HS| In between

[The In-Between]

I feel stuck as if I do not exist entirely in the past, but I am not foreseen in the future either. I am stuck existing in the “in-between.” I long to exist in entirety, but I feel as though I only half exist. I keep wasting precious time trying to bridge the gap between what I want to happen and what is happening. For a long time I lived in clarity—black and white—it was this or that, but these days I live in the grey areas. The grey area, though not desirable in the long run, is what keeps me going right now. This grey area – this area of uncertainty is where my infatuation, my passion, and where my deepest temptations lie. The grey areas is where your emotions are heightened, it is the the area that scorns you when you think to look back; memories that fill you with anxiety, doubt, regret, and ultimate happiness exist in the grey. However, being stuck in the “in-between,” is dangerous. I find myself often thinking that “in this exact moment, I feel complete, fulfilled and like nothing is missing,” but the problem is that this feeling only lasts a moment before its engraved into my memory forever, never to return. Then it’s back to this feeling of uncertainty, of no direction until I come across another moment where I feel infinite. So where do I exist- not entirely here, not entirely there. I think we all look forward to moments that may never come, which prevents us from fully existing and experiencing the current. One must remember that the past has no way of catching up to us in the present, and that the present is the only thing that can touch the ripples of the future. | HS

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